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Growing up in between

Himani Dalmia

It is difficult to imagine any sitcom being able to take the place of ‘Friends’in the mindscape of one particular generation. Recently, however, another show is stealthily making its way into the hearts of ‘Friends’ fans: ‘How I Met Your Mother’, now on its second season in India and fifth in the US. Without denying its freshness and unique brand of humor, addicts of the sitcom can surely spot its thematic similarity with ‘Friends’: a group of men and women in their late 20s, dealing with the blows life and love throw them, finding solace and security in each other and in their group dynamic.
The story, which begins in 2005, is narrated in past tense by the protagonist Ted, who, in 2030, is relating to his children ‘‘how he met their mother’’. The plot is propelled forward by the desire to find out how Ted, fumbling through different women and life choices, finally meets the phantom mother, at which point, it is assumed, all five central characters will find some sort of stability in their lives.
Similarly, the plot line of ‘Friends’ can be mapped out as a 10-year-long coming-of-age. The story begins when the six central characters are in their early to mid-20s: so, finished with studying (one already has a PhD) but not yet established with permanent careers. The 10 seasons of the show follow the ups and downs of their growing-up curve. By the time they accept their new roles as grown-ups, they are well into their 30s.
‘Friends’ reflects a trend that is becoming increasingly common in most of the world, a phase of life after adolescence and before adulthood. This phase has been explored by academics and commentators recently and is now popularly called ‘the odyssey years’, since it consists mainly of wandering, discovery and overcoming several small rites of passage. In this phase, 20-somethings live, seemingly, with no clear sense of direction.
This phase emerged first with the generation born in the 1970s, perhaps partly due to the fact that their parents had been teenagers through the idealism and freedom of the 1960s. The children of the 1970s thus grew up in a society that attributed a certain value to “discovering oneself”. Moreover, kids born in the 1970s and onwards have grown up in an atmosphere of uncertainty, diversity and fluidity. Previous norms have been upturned. The information economy has transformed the job market; the sexual revolution has altered the equation of the sexes and scrambled both courtship rituals and ideas of marriage; increasing longevity has pushed back the age of retirement, relieving kids of some of the pressures to support themselves and their parents.
Today’s parents do understand intellectually that the reason kids are floundering around in their 20s is due to the uncertainty of the times they live in. Most parents are willing to give them time for self-discovery and to make their own choices. Nevertheless, as this period extends into five or seven years, parents begin to feel anxious. They pressurise their child to get a move on.
In truth, this period is hardly self indulgent. It is immensely stressful for the 20-something since it is full of uncertainty, competition and stress. This is a demanding, often traumatic period, when 20-somethings feel unsatisfied with their lives, sense the gravity of every choice they make and are usually lonely, stressed and broke.
Despite the stress it causes to parents and kids alike, this new phase is here to stay. Within a few generations, the odyssey years will become a norm and, with acceptance, the anxiety experienced by both parents and 20-somethings will hopefully reduce. It will be recognized as a necessary period of growth, that will hugely influence the phase of adulthood that follows, when the new ‘grown-ups’ can sit back and relate the roller-coaster stories of how they met their own selves.